Have you ever asked yourself why most rich men only see their wives as assets relegated to the kitchens and instruments of pleasure? This may not be far from the fact that most of them never had access to such quality of women without their wealth.
When a man is broke, an average Nigeria lady subjects him to all forms of scrutiny ranging from looks to accent, spoken English, blood group, mode of dressing, walking style, physical body structure, future prospects, religious background, ethnic background, relationship distance, level of education, attitude, nature of job, sexual prowess, age and lots more. The list of barriers will be endlessly spelt out in such a way that a camel is being forced to pass through the eye of a needle like their hearts is the kingdom of God. The quality of the lady's looks as well as physical appearance, age and financial status or educational status determines the level of scrutiny. In most cases, since the idea of perfection in human life only exists in the Utopian world of forms and not reality as philosophy teaches me, the man doesn't stand a chance. He is forced to settle with the undesired by lowering his taste. If you are facing this kind of hurdle, don't feel hopeless.
Simply take the shortcut that cancels ALL and this is money. This is the master key that lowers all the standards raised against by female folks. Most female folks love the good life of possibilities just like every human being but with little or no hard work. I sincerely apologize if my views are very offensive and highly generalized but they are products from my primary and secondary sources of data. I have undertaken a participant observation exercise over the years and the data gathered after being analyzed & interpreted have yielded the same results.
The search for 'Mr Right' by Nigerian ladies is seen as a race of hollowness to me. Its a futile effort to physically discover what was never lost, I mean what exists only in the imagination. A 'Mr Right' in explicit term is mostly that man that wields that purchasing power. That young man with the unimaginable instantaneous success without a vivid idea of how to spend his hard-earned money. His first impression of seriousness is how well he can lavish his cash and make the lady the point of envy of her colleagues through her physical transformation by money and the places he takes her to with Facebook, Twitter, BBM, Snapchat, Instagram, Whatsapp and others serving as showrooms. After the criterion of financial capability is settled, other attributes which are important building blocks of a successful marital life are treated on a trivial note.
Its also disheartening that our societal structure as Nigerians also encourages this gold-digging venture called 'Mr Right' search. I have listened to top men of God making sensational prophecies and prayers of some single ladies meeting 'able men' from top companies in Nigeria for marriage and the resounding amen that follows from these single ladies is like a mockery of the word of God that preaches hope in hopeless situations. Some problems are as a result of our own perception and the truth is they will never go away until we adopt the principle of economics which states using scarce resources in satisfying unlimited wants.
Some parents will never endorse any marital union if the suitor's working place is not reputable. They want to see his business investments and if possible weigh the cash flow documents to serve as a proof that their daughter would be in safe hands. Those who have done marriage introduction ceremonies with the new model 'LEGgedis Benz' are treated like filth while the established suitors enjoy the sycophantic sessions of laughter and lengthy prayers because the exchange of money is underway.
What about the issue of bride price? I must admit that in Africa, we have become prisoners of our own machinations. The size of dowry demanded by some states in the eastern part of Nigeria could cause the end of the happy union before it started. Now I read about stalled marriage ceremonies simply because the husband's family was asked to satisfy 'a list' provided by his in-laws which runs into millions of naira. In developed societies, this is not the norm. This has simply given the marriage institution a hospital outlook which is avoided by young people until this financial big break comes.
An Aunty of mine went for a marriage ceremony of her nephew in the eastern part of Nigeria. The bride was a Medical Doctor and according to wide impressions, the educational status of the bride determines the size of the dowry or the attached list. Her nephew ended up parting with a whooping sum of N10 million aside the marriage costs. For the record, I am not trying to cast aspersion on the Igbos. This piece is just for a holistic amendment to our traditions and dogma for the betterment of the Nigerian society. Marriage is not a business venture; No sane man walks into a bank or a credit facility to obtain a loan in that magnitude for a marriage rite. This enormity of a dowry in this form will be better understood if related with the Nigerian economy. Where are the jobs that could help a young man generate such funds to undertake that kind of cost that will be followed by honeymoon and home building expenses? Our country is almost grounded.
According to the former governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria, Professor Charles Chukwuma Soludo, about 2 million Nigerians are integrated into the labour market every year with virtually no means of accommodating them. In almost a year, the current administration just kick-started a recruitment process to employ just 10,000 Nigerians into the police force. Since the fall in oil prices and Forex restrictions, every sector of the Nigerian economy ranging from banking, state governments, construction, manufacturing, oil have downsized their workforce and are preparing to downsize again so as to save the organizations from folding up as they pass through the difficult financial times. Some Nigerian men that have come of age with the willingness to marry wouldn't dare due to the financial expenses it entails in correlation with their minute earnings.
The cumulative effect is that we have a bountiful harvest with several labourers but highly limited farm implements to do the job. The implements represent the financial power of the men to make the marital decisions without which able-bodied men seem virtually useless to most women except for the sake of company and pleasure purposes existing on a short term note.
What happened to the idea of the discovery of diamonds in the dirt? Where are the women with gifted hands to provide support to their men from behind till he gains his stand in life? I mean the women of virtue spoken about in the Holy Bible like Mary the mother of Jesus, Hannah, Esther, Abigail e.t.c. It’s now about ready-made products. No more 'Surulere' but 'Olorunsogo' for the south-westerners who can connect to both indigenous terms. No lady is banking on future prospects anymore, the future is NOW!
Nobody is ready to start with that struggling young man with brains. Gone are the days when men wooed ladies with their course of study in higher institutions and their educational achievements except you convert it to financial results. I understand the fact that some ladies have invested in some young men who later dumped them after exploiting them financially and these victims have championed a strong campaign to poison the minds of several others with their 'stories that touch the heart'. It’s all about what he has to offer even when this doesn't cope with the reality on ground. Nigeria is a country with a population of 110 million out of the over 170 million people stricken with poverty as a result of generational corruption, bad leadership and mismanagement of resources. So getting the desired wealthy man in such a country may be a wild goose chase or a time-wasting gamble in a game of life that has a time-limit.
I have to give special thanks to Nollywood for immensely contributing to my gullibility in the aspect of romance. I grew up watching hit movies of unrealistic love stories of the privileged and downtrodden class by top Nigerian actors like Ramsey Noah, Emeka Ike, Jim Iyke, Hanks Anuku, Stephanie Okereke, Steph-Nora Okere, Liz Benson, Genevieve Nnaji, Eucharia Anunobi, Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde e.t.c. Then, any movie title with the 'love' tag and Ramsey Noah's face was a hit. Most of us maybe with a high percentage of people outside Lagos believed those stories and were psychologically trapped by our own sweet imaginations.
Today, I can bet my life that these actors especially the females will never consider the poor for a meaningful relationship even with a divine intervention. I wish I had the political power to make Nollywood retract those movies and apologize to the general public for the wrong impressions given to the vulnerable people.
I am an emotional person which puts me at a vantage point to understand the plight of some people facing diverse challenges in their relationships. I follow several online Nigerian forums and blogs where hook-ups are organized for singles as well as the sharing of predicaments for the purpose of public opinions. I wish I could name a few without making it look like an indictment. One issue is paramount even among 'old ladies' who are above marriageable age in the African setting like 34 and above. They are still in search of that 'honey factory'. They post their requests with the strong emphasis on the quality of the guy's job while they are proudly doing nothing. A typical gold-digging romance request goes thus:
''Please hide my identity. I am 34 and a single mother of one. I am currently doing nothing. I need a god-fearing man with a very GOOD job preferably in the oil or banking sector. He should be ready to take care of me. Age is only a number. I am very romantic and good in bed so he should not be worried about his happiness with me. Young boys who are hustling should kept off to avoid insults. Here is my number 080********''
A relationship is not supposed to be a meal ticket, it’s not a job. How do you expect a man to love and value you when the best support you can give comes from opening your legs wide with your back on the bed? You want to claim credit for a building whose foundation or construction you never participated in; that's fraud. Only a thin line separates you from the internet fraudsters in Nigeria living large off the sweats of others shamelessly.
The first thing an average Nigerian lady wants to know in an online chat is the man's occupation. She pops the question immediately after confirming his name and location. The mood of the chat intensifies when you mention the name of a top company and back it up with pictures of some nice places you have visited preferably outside Nigeria. The next question will be if you stay alone, own a car and in less than 24hrs she is already calling your phone to check on you just to prove she has an interest in you and to win your heart.
On the other hand, to kill the chat, tell her you are a student or unemployed graduate. She starts to give short responses like yea, kk, cool etc. She starts to reply long messages with smileys and suddenly you could get blocked because you are not needed.
Love is currently being displayed at shopping malls and true love is more expensive. This accounts for the reason why strong men see love as a game of chess or cards. They never trust women. They play to win with back-breaking moves. In as much as some Nigerian women believe the men can be manipulated for their own selfish interests, the giving-men are wise enough to know a car gift, clothes, house or any other monetary gift could dramatically transform the cold mood of a lady to an excited football fan whose team just scored a goal. Invariably, women are being relegated to idols needed to be appeased for blessings with material things. It is time to share some hard truths and make enemies out of friends if that is the only way we can achieve a change in our personal beliefs and lifestyle.
I used to be a part of a youth fellowship over a long period of time. There were several singles that were desperately searching for the right ones. The leadership of the fellowship thought it wise to organize a weekly Singles and Married programme. The attendance was encouraging and it was highly interactive. Outsiders who were single started trooping in with the hope of meeting their other halves. The basic principles of relationships were discussed and it was mind-enriching but there was a serious problem. Most of the young men only did average jobs basically to stay busy and gather experience with hopes for the best; on the other hand, the ladies had high expectations. It became a water and Kerosene mixture to produce fire. The fellowship was almost compelling singles to exchange numbers but virtually NOBODY agreed terms like the transfer market between football clubs and players. In no time, people started deserting the gathering. The oil needed in the wheel of progress to fasten movement called money was absent.
Most Nigeria ladies I have studied over the years suffer from a disease called SES, simply Self Entitlement Syndrome especially the beautiful ones with a strong will to break out of poverty. They treat love like business. They believe their looks and body shape should earn them the best of men in the world. They run advertisement outlets on several social media platforms showcasing their bodies. Some even visit swim pools for a valid excuse to take bikini photos which they flood the internet with so that prospective 'customers' can have a vivid idea of the goods before purchasing. They regard financially-struggling men as 'bad market'. Even when they live in a hut with their families, they will enter your bungalow and look down on you but a visit to their homes will convince you. They select rides even when their fathers careful ride new Bajaj motorcycles on minor roads to avoid arrest by the officials of the Lagos state government. They believe they deserve a Jay-Z even when they are far from being a Beyonce. They stay online everyday as well as attending top social events hoping Aliko Dangote's son will come while the young man maybe busy with some hot Latino ladies on an island with no near plans of getting married. What a clash of interests!
They have abandoned Arsene Wenger's policy of discovering raw talents and refining them but instead, it’s all the Real Madrid orientation of poaching top stars from other clubs to their team. They are like Nigeria, showing disdain for locally-made products and exalting imported goods and services thereby causing a balance of payment deficit. They should bear it in mind that one day; their currency will fall like the naira while they helplessly watch like President Muhammadu Buhari and his economic team.
There is only a thin line between this orientation and that of the courageous ladies manning rooms in brothels. Hypocrisy makes the difference. After going trophyless for years, when old age comes knocking and Olympus starts to fall, they run to nearby churches for help. It becomes a Redeemed camp, Mountain of Fire prayer city affair with an impatient need for a miracle. A man of God who doesn't know the history of the problem is then saddled with the responsibility of proffering solutions. He begins to see the problem from the spiritual school of thought. Then he gives you the 'fall down and die' prayer points with recommendations of lengthy fasting sessions amidst vigils.
Let's be sincere, the Devil is not as guilty as we think. Most times he is innocent. We are products of our choices. The resultant effect of this gold-digging exercise is unwanted pregnancies, broken homes, unhappy marriages, unions with criminal with unverifiable sources of wealth, men physically abusing women, marriage to he-goats with a profound mission to increase Nigeria's population unnecessarily and many other ugly situations.
I wish I could write further on this issue. I want to urge Nigerian ladies to develop the mentality of being parts of success stories of great men. Develop the mentality of Michelle and find your own Barack Obama who will end up making you that First Lady of the world.
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