Every minute spent in a public transport in Lagos gives you
unique experiences about life. The memories are meant to be forgotten and only
to be recalled when you are smiling down on it from the top because of the awry
nature of the numerous occurrences.
Below are some of the several awful experiences I have
learned to laugh over to ease my frustration:
(1) Entering without your change:
Imagine the look on the ever angry-looking conductor when you
offer him a sum of N500 or N1000 for a payment of N50 after he must have given
you a prior warning before boarding the bus. This could lead to undue attention
in the vehicle.
(2) Sitting with a passenger with an armpit and mouth odour:
This is paramount to our ''mommies'' in the in the trading
business especially the Igbo women selling Okporoko, Ugwu leaves and other soup
ingredients. Some even ooze like they bathed with locust beans. My major
problem is that they will always interfere in all issues and this circulates
the odour.
(3) Entering with a market woman that puts her load on your
leg:
The morning period is the time the traders dealing in food
materials go out to purchase their merchandise for sale. Imagine someone
putting a bag of crayfish on your leg when you are heading to work corporately
dressed on a serious day like a Monday. Hmmm!
(4) Sleeping pass your bus stop:
It’s easier to doze off in a lag bus after waking up too
early or being stressed at work. It’s too embarrassing to wake up and find
yourself around another strange bus top. The bus conductor could as well
collect an extra pay for the service.
(5) When a bus preacher sits beside you:
It would be far from being funny when you discover the
passenger close to you is a bus preacher who shouts on top of his voice to
preach the word of God. I once listened to someone who preached with a Calabar
accent. It was like rapture was imminent.
(6) Pick pockets:
That awkward moment when you dip your hands into your pockets
very close to your bus stop and realise the money was issued a Visa by one pick
pocket and it flew away. The funniest part is that the conductor would think
you are trying to con him.
(7) Bus conductors disappearing during hold-up:
This is common among conductors plying the Festac-Mile 2 route;
they rush you for payment while anticipating the grid-lock and then quietly
disappear as a way of tying you to the bus throughout the stressful bad
traffic.
(8) Passengers with odd loads:
One woman once squeezed a small goat into her Bagco bag and
entered the bus, half way to her destination, the kid cried aloud in discomfort
as she tried to suppress the animal. Everybody was shocked! What about a fish
seller that enters with her goods after a stressful day selling? That's an
unwanted but most dominating air-freshener.
(9) Conductors denying the collection of money from you:
Events could take a dramatic twist when some conductors
either purposely or forgetfully demand payment from you two times. This could
lead to a bitter argument that will be unpleasant to one cute working class
lady you are eyeing in the vehicle. A conductor once asked me for money 5
different times after I had paid him.
(10) Sitting with a fat woman:
Plus-sized women are like the nightmares of passengers and
conductors. Some full-time house wives could be so full-figured that they will
occupy the seats of three slim people in the vehicle leading to a controversy
and discomfort of the passengers. Some women with some 'ikebe' sizes really need to go get their own private vehicles for
the sake of peace.
Thanks for reading thus far; I am the Village Town Crier.
This is to lighten up your mood. Everyday isn't for bitter arguments about
politics.
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